worse for better

i realize that this...school...life...everything matters. it is small, and it is insignificant in terms of life, but it still matters. and i can tell myself however much i like that it has no bearing on anything...but that just creates distance...that just allows an escape to give up and let it go without me.

it has to flow
but i have to be immersed in that flow
i have to run down the river with it.
i could stand on the river bank,
in the flowers and trees,
and say,
yes,
this is beautiful and calm and serene,
and this is the way life should be
but there could be more.

i could be in the cool water.
i could let it envelop me
and i could give myself over to it.

it's a different view of the world
maybe not better
though maybe not worse.
just different.

but maybe i will be the better for it.